Not in my Dotage - Yet.

It's rather awe inspiring how, when you hit retirement age and without a single admission of being a pensioner ever passing your lips, winter fuel allowance application forms arrive, the pensions people bombard you with all sorts of forms and information and a glossy magazine for retirees drops through the letterbox.
The only thing that’s been missing is a congratulations card from the Conservative party.

As it was free I had a quick look through the magazine, but there was little that I could relate to. Glamorous mid forties models extolling holidays abroad in luxurious locations, an informative, best value feature on hospitals and what they offer, and how Camilla has her face made up.
Thrilling reading for some you might say, but it’s a far cry from going to the chemist to get your prescription, shuddering at the price of hair dye, returning it quickly to the shelf and then coming home to do the washing up.

These days as always when you open any newspaper or magazine, a myriad of brightly coloured leaflets fell out, including a little home shopping catalogue for the elderly.
Looking a bit more down to earth than the glossy magazine, it only has sixteen pages and is printed on cheap paper. Cunning of them making the worm of temptation look more within reach of our shallow pockets, but after checking the items for sale, I'm glad to say hubby and I aren't in need of most of it.... Yet.
When we do sink into our final dotage, it's comforting to know we can purchase an Easy Ear Cleaner, but if wax isn't the problem a Super Mini Ear will restore our hearing as good as new. There is also a Ceramic Posture Support with Magnets; Clip on Magnifiers; a Re-usable Incontinence Shield and a Knee Strap. A 'must have' Portable Urinal for him, a Portable Bidet for her, or how about a Magno Massager Seat? I should think the seat is worth its weight in gold after you've developed cramp trying to use the urinal or the bidet, without anyone seeing what you’re doing.

It was heartening to see a few beauty items including toenail softening cream, but the best buy of all and subtly illustrated with a pair of bright red, pouting lips, is a cream called Maxi Lips that will improve the texture and outline of lips and fill them out.
Two pages further on they are selling a blood pressure monitor. In my opinion they should have put the monitor right next to the lip cream because they are leaving themselves wide open to being sued, but there you go.

And then, finally, if you think it can’t get any worse, while you are waiting for your old man’s blood pressure to go down after he's clocked your new sexy Maxi Lips, you can amuse yourself de-lousing the cats with an electric flea comb.
It's all go when you're a pensioner.